Taupe: Harmless color, or ESTROGEN FUELED CONSPIRACY.

I must admit I don't know what taupe is.

And that's because taupe is everything.

I've heard the term "taupe" used to describe everything from a deep reddish-purple house to a summer squash to a slightly green banana. From my own research, taupe apparently describes a color. However, when I ask people what taupe is (generally women, because they kinda know that stuff), I get a different answer every time, and none of it makes sense:

"Um, it's kind of like, a tan-ish green, but with, like, some red, or, well, you know. Hey, who wants coffee?"

"It's a beige-ish purple, but, like, kind of different."

"Kind of reddish-orangy with some brown, but deeper."

What do those even mean?

I'll tell you what it means.

IT'S A TEST! There is no record of taupe before 2007. It was created by women to try to see whether we're paying attention. "Oh, I like that taupe-colored house" is really "he's drifting. Better check to make sure he's awake." As with all women, there is really no right answer. Just different degrees of wrong. "Oh yeah, taupe rocks!" means you don't know or care about what she's saying, you just want her to stop pointing at houses. "Huh, I don't really like taupe" means you think she has bad taste in non-existent colors. Asking "what is taupe?" throws them, and they get frustrated because they have to think of an answer without giving the plot away.

If you don't believe what I'm saying about taupe not being a real thing, Google Image search taupe. Seriously, do it. Yeah. Thought so. I count 13 different taupes on the first page alone.

EDIT: In the comments, my aunt gave me the link to the wikipedia page on Taupe. Take a look, it only proves my point, there being 8 TAUPES MENTIONED ON THE PAGE ALONE! The Google Image search brings up even more.

Rage Against The Taupe! This is now a war on imaginary colors! Look out, Burnt Sienna, You're next.