http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4357855

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4357855

http://www.smh.com.au/world/only-7-swine-flu-deaths-not-152-says-who-20090429-aml1.html

8.

In Mexico.

Plus one more in Houston, who was visiting from Mexico.

That's it.

But it's much more fun to start a panic campaign. The two confirmed cases in Massachusetts are of significant importance to us. Who knows what those two have touched!

EDIT: "The chances of dying from this pandemic are smaller then being killed by lightning, a shark attack, moose attack, hippopotamus attack, an earthquake, tornado, hurricane, or something as mundane as taking a bath or shower." Joe Sheehy

So I don't want to hear anymore about the Crazy Pig Sniffles.

Odd points to walk into a conversation about LOST if you haven't the foggiest....

"So it had to be dislodged from the space-time continuum. Which is what they did. Only they couldn't relodge it back into the space-time continuum, so they kept time traveling."

"So that's what the donkey wheel is for."
----
"It's kind of like a cloud, but it lives in a tomb and can pick people up."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"Get used to that feeling."
----
"So the Scottish guy's house crashed their plane?"

"No, the pocket of magnetic energy his house was built on top of and was designed to contain crashed their plane. It only crashed because he wasn't able to enter in the numbers on time."
----
"So wait; the brother and sister SLEPT TOGETHER?"

"They're only step-siblings."

LaHood Snubs Plan to Keep Data on Bird Strikes Secret

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/22/AR2009042202057.html?nav=igoogle

"LaHood, whose agency oversees the FAA, said that public comments ran '99.9 percent' in favor of making such information accessible.

'I think all of this information ought to be made public. . . . We're going to, you know, make this information as public as anybody wants it,'"

Anybody? Who wants this?

This could actually be useful data, as the January incident demonstrates that the terrorists have a new tool: flocks of geese.

"I mean, here they just released all of these CIA files regarding interrogation, and . . . the optic of us trying to tell people they can't have information about birds flying around airports, I don't think that really quite comports with the policies of the administration,"

Right, now that we have important useful information, why not release unimportant useless information?

It's not so much that it's being released that bothers me, it's that they were COLLECTING THIS DATA IN THE FIRST PLACE. And to top it all off, it was secret!

"Shh, we can't let the people know about the kamikaze geese!"

Well, all in all, I think this will be an important step in making sure that everybody knows where the birds are flying into airplanes. Hopefully, years from now we'll look back on this and say "I am so glad we new about the flocks of pigeons divebombing 727s." A new era is born, as we enter the Birds-flying-into-passenger-aircraft-awareness age.

Godspeed, avian creatures.

Suki Switchblade presents (under pain of being eaten by a lolcat) Look-alike Tuesday!

Alright, this one is Greta, Michelle's only remotely normal-looking pet, and the Guy from A Clockwork Orange.

She also sent me another zombie one, but two zombies in a row spells trouble.

Typos, and their effect on visitors to my blog,

The URL to my site is justintheawesome.blogspot.com in that form only. Its purest form.

However, if the p and s in blogspot are switched, you have just been doomed to reading "an easy to navigate MEGA-SITE of Bible, Christian, church & religious information, sermons & studies."

Why they chose their url after mine is unknowable. However I do know that these people are an odd bunch. 43 sections explaining the antichrist? Is it that expansive of a subject that it necessitates 43 sections to explain it? Consolidation is next to Godliness, Fundies.

Another great section is the section explaining that the bible prophecied the telephone:

"Could this be the telephone?
Job 38:35-CANST THOU SEND LIGHTNINGS (or we might say, electrical currents), THAT THEY MAY GO, AND SAY UNTO THEE, HERE WE ARE?"

Touche, Abundantbible.com, well played.

Taupe: Harmless color, or ESTROGEN FUELED CONSPIRACY.

I must admit I don't know what taupe is.

And that's because taupe is everything.

I've heard the term "taupe" used to describe everything from a deep reddish-purple house to a summer squash to a slightly green banana. From my own research, taupe apparently describes a color. However, when I ask people what taupe is (generally women, because they kinda know that stuff), I get a different answer every time, and none of it makes sense:

"Um, it's kind of like, a tan-ish green, but with, like, some red, or, well, you know. Hey, who wants coffee?"

"It's a beige-ish purple, but, like, kind of different."

"Kind of reddish-orangy with some brown, but deeper."

What do those even mean?

I'll tell you what it means.

IT'S A TEST! There is no record of taupe before 2007. It was created by women to try to see whether we're paying attention. "Oh, I like that taupe-colored house" is really "he's drifting. Better check to make sure he's awake." As with all women, there is really no right answer. Just different degrees of wrong. "Oh yeah, taupe rocks!" means you don't know or care about what she's saying, you just want her to stop pointing at houses. "Huh, I don't really like taupe" means you think she has bad taste in non-existent colors. Asking "what is taupe?" throws them, and they get frustrated because they have to think of an answer without giving the plot away.

If you don't believe what I'm saying about taupe not being a real thing, Google Image search taupe. Seriously, do it. Yeah. Thought so. I count 13 different taupes on the first page alone.

EDIT: In the comments, my aunt gave me the link to the wikipedia page on Taupe. Take a look, it only proves my point, there being 8 TAUPES MENTIONED ON THE PAGE ALONE! The Google Image search brings up even more.

Rage Against The Taupe! This is now a war on imaginary colors! Look out, Burnt Sienna, You're next.

Suki Switchblade Presents look-alike Tuesdays!

Today we have what can only be described as a zombie paired with the poster for Castle Freak. Enjoy.

Viral Emails

Anybody else hate dumb email forwards? The ones that contain the least useful facts anyone could ever find? I mean the ones that go "Mice can swallow their own bodies... AND LIVE" Now picture that sentence written in bubbly, pseudo-child's writing font, in a shade of blue, red, or a yellow so bright against the white background that you actually have to adjust your computer screen or your seating position to read it.

And then of course, we have the emails warning us of the "worst virus ever, McAfee won't protect you, your computer will kill your mother." After over 10 years of Google, nobody ever uses it to dispel these, and another contacts list gets infected.

So I'm gonna do that. Everybody forward this around:


Ok, I couldn't believe this when I read it. We've been doing more harm than good.

According to a recent study done by the EPADR (EPA's Department of Recycling), 97% of recycling centers in the U.S. WON'T RECYCLE BOTTLES THAT STILL HAVE THE LABEL ON THEM.

97%. I can't believe it.

Just imagine how many bottles have gone into landfills in THE PAST YEAR ALONE!

Please forward this to all your friends and family so that we can end the cycle.






I Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltretes in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whtouit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wolhe. Azinamg huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/08/AR2009040804378.html?nav=igoogle

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/08/AR2009040804378.html?nav=igoogle


What's next? Taliban Twitter....

(read from bottom up)

----------------------------------
@KazimFTW Oh, you poor sport.
about 8 hours ago from web

------------------------------------------------------------
Awesome! SOAD just came on the radio! Driving home now.
about 10 hours ago from Tweetie

------------------------------------------------------
You know they sell Snuggies at Costco? Just bought 5.
about 11 hours ago from Tweetie

--------------------------------------------------------
Jonas Brothers song came on over loudspeaker. Feel like
strangling al-Aqwabah.
about 11 hours ago from Tweetie

-----------------------------------------------------
I hate when Costco's out of deluxe pack
Cheez-its. Going with Cheese Puffs instead.
about 12 hours ago from Tweetie

-------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, going to store with al-Aqwabah. Will update on tweetie.
about 13 hours ago from web

----------------------------------------------------
LOL, totally nailed Kazim with exploding cigarette!
about 15 hours ago from web

----------------------------------------------
Ugh, bored. Going to play prank on recruits.
about 16 hours ago from web

Suki Switchblade Presents Look-alike Tuesdays!

The Fight Club Special! Both Leonard Nimoy and Eyebrow Cat portray Spock!

This just in:....

This just in: Televisions; could they one day control our minds? We'll tell you when at 11.

Breaking news: How pants could slowly be giving us AIDS. Details at 10.

Barack Obama: Terrorist or Nazi?

Is your cat trying to murder you? We'll tell you the signs to look for at 11.

The metric system: Harmless measuring or Osama's most effective tool?

Next, How Earth could be killing your loved ones.

Breaking: Brick buildings spontaneously combusting. Is your building next?

Has Earth been invaded by aliens? Why some experts are saying yes, at 11.

Cable news programs: Harmless sensationalism, or mind control tactic? All this and more, at midnight.

Do I take old video games too seriously?

There they are. 5 rows, 11 enemies a row. Frozen there. Waiting for me to make my move, and not budging until I do. I hide behind my bunker, watching them. And they watch me.

In the heat of our game of intimidation, I make my move. Standing alone, I dodge to the right, outside of my bunker, firing my cannon. The only line of defense between them and the moon, I expertly time my shots to fire into their ranks and take out the last row. They feint to the left, until the farthest row reaches the edge of the battlefield. Once it does, it crawls closer to me.

As I dodge from bunker to bunker, their missiles and bolts eat away at my bunker, until I have no choice but to blow the bunker to pieces and carry on my fight in the open.

And then, IT comes passing through. The red saucer. Big scoring.

I have dealt with saucers like that before, in my training days. I fire along an empty column, timing the shot with the accuracy only a Veteran Space Captain could develop. Explosion. 300 points.

I shift my attention back to the enemy closing in on the moon, closing in on me. I dodge and fire almost without thinking. This has become second nature to me. If the moon falls to the aliens, surely Earth will be next. And I am the only person who can ensure that never happens.

Now is the time for methodical sniping. 4 left, and I can no longer fire into the ranks and hope to hit something. 1, 2, 3, they fall under my cannon. It's now just me and you, mushroom-looking alien guy. Me and you.

But suddenly, he tries to turn the tables. A lightning bolt is fired at me. In a desperate attempt to take one of my lives. Even if I let him hit me, I will return with one of my other two lives, and once he is finished, I will get that life back. Truly a desperate bid to extend his life span by a few seconds. Pathetic.

I swiftly avoid his bolt, but as I move back in to deal the death blow, he has moved behind one of the shields. I wait on the other side for him, and as he comes around, I fire my cannon. But I miss!

Seeing his opportunity, he fires off at me. My miss gives him confidence. I can take him. Staring at the bolt, I return fire. Just as the bolt is about to hit me, I see the explosion of my missile hitting alien scum. Mission accomplished.

But the next wave appears before I can enjoy my victory.

Epic Flail.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and everything in between, I have discovered a new form of self-expression. Running seems to be a growing fad - everybody runs these days. But do you really move? Huh? DO YOU?!! The answer is no. Until now.

Flailing - the newest form of running - is now coming into style. It moves your whole body, making your whole body move in tune with itself. Flailpacks, a group of Flailers devoted to the art of Flailing, are popping up around dog parks Cambridge-wide!

When flailing, you must have extremely loose clothing. When I say "loose", I mean find a fat guy, steal his clothes, and run. After a few seconds, the fat guy will tire out and require a sandwich (scientifically proven fact). You must be free of all incumberances, because you are moving with the wind. Wearing loose clothing is like wearing a giant sail, except you look less ridiculous, which is all the more important since you are Flailing, and you already look ridiculous. But Flailing isn't about not looking ridiculous, it's about expressing who you are, and you are ridiculous.

So I hope you try Flailing. For your sake. I must go now, I have a Filipino Knife Fighting class for Four-year-olds I have to instruct.

No Pun Intended

From XKCD. I expect all of you to follow this comic's advice.