Epic Flail.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and everything in between, I have discovered a new form of self-expression. Running seems to be a growing fad - everybody runs these days. But do you really move? Huh? DO YOU?!! The answer is no. Until now.

Flailing - the newest form of running - is now coming into style. It moves your whole body, making your whole body move in tune with itself. Flailpacks, a group of Flailers devoted to the art of Flailing, are popping up around dog parks Cambridge-wide!

When flailing, you must have extremely loose clothing. When I say "loose", I mean find a fat guy, steal his clothes, and run. After a few seconds, the fat guy will tire out and require a sandwich (scientifically proven fact). You must be free of all incumberances, because you are moving with the wind. Wearing loose clothing is like wearing a giant sail, except you look less ridiculous, which is all the more important since you are Flailing, and you already look ridiculous. But Flailing isn't about not looking ridiculous, it's about expressing who you are, and you are ridiculous.

So I hope you try Flailing. For your sake. I must go now, I have a Filipino Knife Fighting class for Four-year-olds I have to instruct.